In the Torah portion Vayigash (Gen44:18-47:27), we encounter the first account of forgiveness, demonstrated by one of our patriarchs. Joseph forgives his brothers. A family with a lot of relationship turmoil is restored in a very emotional display.

During the course of our relationships, it is quite common for us to encounter feelings of hurt or offense caused by those who are closest to us. This is just a natural part of the dynamics that exist within relationships. After all, we are all unique individuals with diverse backgrounds, each carrying our own set of scars from past hurts that unfortunately shape our reactions and viewpoints.

However, the more we dwell on and nurture our hurts or offenses, the greater the chance that bitterness will take control. It is crucial to address bitterness promptly, or else it will intensify and engulf you.

The root of bitterness can be traced back to the tree of unforgiveness. It is from this bitterness that hatred, knowingly or unknowingly, grows and gradually consumes our hearts. As mentioned in Matthew 13:34 and Luke 6:45, our words reflect what lies within us.

When we allow bitterness to take hold, slanderous remarks effortlessly flow from our mouths, and sin accumulates, growing like a snowball until it eventually becomes an overwhelming avalanche.

It’s important to note that sharing these negative feelings with others is considered slander, which not only harms us but can also have a devastating impact on the entire community. Seeing that we know that slander is a deadly sin, we cover slander with attractive spiritual coatings; like sharing, seeking counsel and more.

The key to effectively handling bitterness is by practicing forgiveness, forgetting, and reconciliation. It is important to proactively strive to mend the relationship as quickly as possible. Do not withdraw and build walls with bricks made from the clay of negative feelings. Keep in mind that addressing bitterness promptly leads to better outcomes. Ephesians 4:26-27 offers guidance, saying, “Be angry, yet do not sin; do not let your anger linger until the next day, and do not give the devil a chance.” We must avoid allowing bitterness and animosity to linger disguised as hurt and grievances on a daily basis.

The Lord’s prayer emphasizes the significance of forgiveness. The prayer in Matt 6 does not only include the words “ and forgive us our sins, as we have forgiven those who have sinned against us” It is the pivot or central piece of the Prayer. (see included diagram)

Directly after the Amen in verse 13 , our Master emphasize the importance by addressing forgiveness again in verses 14-15 “ For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.”

Selah (Pause)

Here we all need a long pause for these words from the mouth of our Master to sink in, a silent pause with inwards focus, without looking for reasons or excuses.
Our Master teaches us that the extent to which we forgive others will determine the extent to which we are forgiven. Therefore, it is crucial for us to be both capable and willing to forgive one another and not make excuses for not doing it.

This demands an overwhelming understanding of forgiveness and a consistent practice of it in our daily lives.

To truly understand God forgives, we must reflect on His actions through Messiah. His forgiveness is rooted in His boundless grace, given to us completely. It is a forgiveness that upholds justice and is given upon us continuously.

Imagine where we would be  if He would say :
I forgive you, but I do not want to spend time with you again

I forgive you, but will never trust you again

I forgive you, but will never break bread with you again

I forgive you, but I will never again consider you my friend

I forgive you, but I will warn all close to me about you

(Look at the example He lived out in His relationship with Peter)

His forgiveness is not a get out of jail free ticket, it does not mean that we can live a reckless life. It is a precious gift to cherish and share. A gift that must inspire us to put down behaviour that can cause other hurt, as well as learnt behaviour that cause us to see all as personal and hurtful. In short, we must deal with issues that can harm relationships on the giving and receiving end.

It is not our good deeds that will cause God to forgive us our mistakes. It is not the feel-good moments that are emphasized here. It is not our accomplishments, what we achieved, in life.  It is forgiving others that will allow the redemptive blood to be brushed on the doorposts of our hearts.

Let us never forget Hebrews 12:15 “See to it that no one falls short of the favor of Elohim, that no root of bitterness springing up causes trouble, by which many become defiled,”

May we not be ruined in our battle against bitterness. But live a life in contrast with the world’s norms of forgiveness. Believing that He will enable us to truly forgive , empower us to restore broken trust and relationships.
For this will empower us to live lives to the Glory of our Master!