But before meeting Tamar, let us turn back a few pages to Gen 3:16. As a result of the sin in the Garden, we read:  To the woman He said, “I greatly increase your sorrow and your conception – bring forth children in pain. And your desire is for your husband, and he does rule over you.”

This could just as well be an exact description of Tamar’s life. Can you also picture her as you read this verse? We see parts of this concept in the lives of the other matriarchs as well.  Sarah, Rivkah and Rachel all experienced the pain of conception, oh how they longed for children, but barrenness was their portion. Liah had a desire for her husband and to get his attention was always a battle. For Liah conception was not a problem at all.  And then we meet Tamar…

Imagine the excitement of a young maiden learning that she was going to be a bride, marrying Er, the son of Judah. She was going to be a wife and soon a mother. She was going to contribute to the fulfilment of God’s promise to Abraham. Her offspring was going to part of the multitude promised in a covenantal relationship between God and Abraham.

However, Tamar’s dream for a baby was shattered when Er died – according to the Word his evil inclination led to an early death. She did not conceive during her marriage; she was left longing for a family. She was left a widow, alone and childless.

Hope was all she could cling to in her longing for an heir for her husband and a husband that loved her. Er had a younger brother, Onan, who would marry her, and she would have a son, an heir for her late husband. She had hope for happiness and a rich family life.

Tamar married Onan, but instead of him loving her as a husband should, he ruled over her with deceit. Pretending to have the same desire for children, he gave her false hope for a child, stealing the possibility of conception from her.  Just like our Creator protected Sarai in the house of Pharoah by plaguing the house of Pharoah for her sake, Onan’s conduct towards Tamar displeased our Father, causing Onan to lose his life as well.

Two husbands and no children, but again there was hope. Judah had another son, Shelah. Tamar could still produce an heir for Er; she could still be a mother. Judah, however, was scared that another son would die if he married Tamar. So Judah sent Tamar away to her father’s house with the excuse that Shelah was still too young to marry.

A long time passed (Gen 38:12) – exactly how long we’re not told, but it must have been a few years, for Shelah was all grown up when his mother died. Eventually Tamar realized that Judah did not plan to marry her to his youngest son. Losing the last strain of hope, desperation took its place and where hope kept her faithful, desperation opened Tamar up for the sin of deception.

(Sadly, deception runs prominently the families from creation. You cannot miss it in the lives of Jacob, Laban, Simeon & Levi and now Tamar, to name a few.)

Tamar was desperate to produce an heir for Er.  If Judah was keeping his last son from her, Judah himself was her last and only hope.  She disguised herself as a prostitute, keeping her identity hidden. Judah acquired her services and promised her payment. Having lost the opportunity to marry and have children with Judah’s three sons, Tamar asked for three items from Judah, while waiting for her promised payment: the signet, the cord and his staff, which can all be linked to Judah’s three sons.

Signet (ring), used to seal and authenticate documents: small in size, but great in importance. Later in Genesis we see that Pharaoh promoted Joseph to second in command over all the land of Egypt.  The first thing Pharaoh did was to give Joseph his seal, his signet. It was a sign of authority, a sign of identity, and above all it was a sign of truth.

Cord, the Hebrew word can be translated as bracelet or wire – most probably a cord that was attached to the signet. The signet was then worn around the neck, waist or wrist. If the cord was what held the authority in place and safe, the cord can be seen as representing integrity. Without integrity, you have no authority, for true authority requires respect – otherwise it is not authority, but dictatorship. Lack of integrity is when you are not true to what you proclaim. A tree is known by its fruit, no integrity means that the tree bears no fruit, instead only lush leaves to hide the lack of fruit.

The staff is a sign of power. Moses revealed the power and character of God to all in Egypt with his staff in his hand. Sending out His disciples, Yeshua told them to take nothing with them their journeys, except a staff. In my own words: go out in the power of GOD, do not take anything with you that you can claim to be yours. The glory for every deliverance, anointing and healing goes to our Creator, for all is accomplished in His power.

Let’s consider Judah’s three sons again:

Er, being the one that would produce the next firstborn or heir to the tribe of Judah, carried the authority of his father.  However, he was not truthful and that led to his death.

Onan had to produce an heir for Er after his death, but instead of holding in place the authority of the tribe of Judah, Onan did not bear the fruit of integrity. He was a very leafy tree with no fruit and that led to his death.

Shelah was seen by Judah as his last sign of power – without Shelah there would be no heir to Judah. So, he chose to hide him, not keeping his word, and that led to Tamar’s deceit.

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At last Tamar was pregnant, she was going to be the mother of the next leader of the tribe of Judah. This, however, was not the end of Tamar’s pain in conception. Finding out that Tamar was pregnant, Judah sentenced her and her unborn children to death.

Yet when he received back the pledges from Tamar, Judah realized that he was wrong. He was willing to give up his authority, integrity and power for a moment of pleasure, but unwilling to give his third son as a husband to Tamar, to prove his integrity. Now Judah had another chance to redeem himself and his selfish behavior. Through the deception of Tamar, he could see his own sinfulness and reacted with honor and honesty.

Once Judah realized that Tamar was pregnant with his children, he not only withdrew his death decree against her, but also proclaimed: She has been more righteous than I, because I did not give her to Shelah my son. At last, she got what she deserved, a baby, an heir and her honor restored.

What did I learn from Judah in this story? To not focus on the wrongdoings of others, but to use their sin to turn to myself and repent for my part in it. This is a very valuable lesson to learn and also a very difficult one to apply. Maybe that is why the children born from this strange union were honorable. Their authority, integrity and power were worthy of the Messiah being born from their lineage.